A Parent’s Worst Fear: The Explanation of Your Generation

Published December 19, 2011 by jrm17

By some miraculous act of God, TeenNick has been airing ’90s shows late at night: Rugrats, All That, Keenan and Kel, Doug.  We all know that kids shows these days suck.  We also know that one day we will have to explain all of this…and every other pathetic trend we followed to our children.  Reflecting back, I’m a little worried about how pathetic I will come off to future generations.  I’ll have some scary things to admit to.

Pokemon.  Yep.  I loved the show.  I collected and traded the cards.  I had t-shirts and video games.  I still have the theme song as ringtone and have stickers on my notebooks (Awesome, I know).  But when you look at it, it kind of goes against all things that I believe in.  There are little kids travelling the world by themselves, beating animals until they faint in order to win a battle or capture in a tiny little ball.  I think I’ll probably have to rely on my excuse being I really just thought they were cute (Come on.  Look at Squirtle and tell me that isn’t one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen).

Twilight.  Okay, I’m not so worried about this one since I think it sucks for the most part–I will admit that I enjoyed Eclipse as a movie and have read all the books.  That’s it.  You will get nothing else out of me.  What I’m going to have to explain is my love for all other vampires.  I think once my daughter–I won’t worry about explaining this to a boy–reads Vampires Diaries and all my other books and watches how just about every vampire in the world besides Edward is hot, she’ll understand.  I have a feeling I’ll be embarrassed by my Team Damon t-shirt, Elena’s necklace, and Vampire Diaries calendars though.  I’ll survive because no matter what anyone says, Vampire Diaries is amazing.

Miley Cyrus.  In my defense, I only have two songs on my iPod–7 Things and Party in the USA–and hate her and all her other stuff.  This, however, I will be able to explain to my children of either gender.  Obviously, girls will listen to the two songs (Seriously, they aren’t that bad) and get it.  If I have a son, I have a secret weapon to use against him because there are two kinds of people in this world: those who can’t rock out to Party in the USA and those who are rollin’ wit Nolan.  That’s right.  There is no doubt in my mind that my son will be a future Cameron Crazy and will, therefore, find it acceptable to listen to that song since it was endorsed by Nolan Smith in his attempts to be named Player of the Year.  Any true Dukie–as my son will be–will want to be rollin’ wit Nolan.  I still support ndotsmittypoy despite the fact we–and Kemba Walker–got Jimmered.

Uggs.  I am seriously not ashamed in the slightest bit that I love Uggs.  Mine are cute-especially by gray classic cardy ones–but I will admit that I’ve seen some girls pick out some massively hideous ones (Have you seen navy blue Bailey Buttons with boot cut jeans tucked in them?  It’s not pretty).  When I have kids, I’ll take the same route as every parent who’s had to defend acid wash jeans (ok, maybe I have a pair in my closet), parachute pants, roach clips, crop shirts, and feathered hair (Crap.  I may really have to rethink my fashion choices).  I simply say that it was cool at the time and that I like them.  I’m pretty positive that if I have a girl, she will like Uggs.  I’m also pretty positive that Uggs will not be some trend that dies (It was probably also said about every other fashion trend but hey, I’m trying to be optimistic).

Just Dance.  I am probably the  most uncoordinated, least graceful, least rhythmic person in the world but I like playing this game.  Probably because I have the second edition and really like Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go and Tik Tok but that’s beside the point.  Hopefully, my kids will be able to appreciate classic video games like I do.  That’s right.  I’m that weird girl who could spend hours playing Pong and play my NES on the regular.  If they don’t have the same appreciation, I’ll probably just tell them to shut up and go bug someone else.

I’m pretty much the biggest dork in the world and my children will probably cower in fear every time they have to be seen in public with me but I like what I like.  We’ve regressed to taking the best from past decades due to lack of originality and utter laziness.  Maybe the fact we mooched from other generations will be the reason we outrank all the others.  But like all children, they’ll probably just scowl and ignore.

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