The Two Most Important Kits In Your Life

Published December 26, 2011 by jrm17

If you are a huge OC fanatic like me, you might already have both kits because they kind of overlap.  If not, you need to get your butt to Wal-Mart and stock up or else your life will never be fully complete (and death–either real or of your soul–is imminent).

The first one is the Seth Cohen Starter Pack.  Without this in your life, you may fall victim to various atrocities including–but not limited to–becoming a Newpsie, being uneducated in nerd greatness, and just all around not being cool enough in that emo way that Cohen popularized.  The Starter Pack was first seen being given to both Anna Stern and Summer Roberts (because Cohen was not smart enough to see Summer would always be the One) for Chrismukkah in the first season of The OC.

Now, it may seem a little hipster and more than likely a little emo but trust me, you need this to protect you from becoming a zombie (in the form of trend follower.  We don’t need any more Beliebers or Twi-tards in this world).  The first thing you need is a dvd copy of The Goonies.  It’s a classic and very Cohen.  Let’s just be thankful it’s not some super weird anime or ninja thing that he and Taylor Townsend shared a love for. 

Next, pick up a copy of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon.  Okay, so this may be one

The Core Four as the main characters of Atomic County. Photo Courtesy of

Cohen thing that I’ve never taken part in but hey, it’s in the kit so I’m going to talk about it and pretend I’m an expert on the book.  So the novel follows two Jewish cousins–okay, Ryan isn’t Jewish and they are step-or whatever they are brothers but it still works.  Joe (Kavalier) is trying to get into the comic book industry.  Hmm.  This sounds vaguely familiar. Could it be the fact that Cohen started Atomic County–the comic book and later, the graphic novel–with Zach?  And is it a coincidence that Joe’s comic book character is The Escapist and Seth’s comic version of himself is The Ironist?  I think not.  Seth just wins this one because he has a Senorita Vixen tattoo that he got in Mexico (We all knew that Little Miss Vixen had The Ironist’s heart).

Moving on to the portion that I do have some knowledge about and the final ingredients in the Seth Cohen Starter Pack: music.  Three bands are included in this–Bright Eyes, The Shins, and Death Cab for Cutie.  I’ll admit I haven’t listen to much from Bright Eyes or The Shins but I love me some Death Cab (Okay, up until Codes and Keys).  I try to stay away from whiny emo music for the most part but my inner Cohen comes out with Death Cab comes on.  When picking the Death Cab cd, well, if possible, make a mix with all the best songs on it, but if you really need a studio cd, go with The Photo Album or Plans.  With Plans you are going to get one of the most popular Death Cab songs, Soul Meets Body, along with some of my favorites–Someday You Will Be Loved, Marching Bands of Manhattan, Summer Skin and Follow You Into the Dark.  Plans gets you my all time favorite song by the band–Why Would You Want to Live Here–and some other good ones like A Movie Script Ending, Information Travels Faster, and Coney Island.  Either Way, you can’t really go wrong.  Just, please, do not pick Codes and Keys.  I don’t know why but I found this cd to be  massively sub par compared to earlier work.

You'll be ready after you pack up your kit. Photo courtesy of

Now, the second most important kit you will ever need to make is your kit that will allow you to survive (for at least sometime depending on your planning and skill level) the Zombie Apocalypse.  You may be wondering how I am possibly connecting Cohen to Zombies but if you haven’t realized, Cohen was a nerd.  And…in my favorite episode (Night Moves in season 4), Seth says he can’t leave Ryan alone on the highway to go get help after the earthquake because the zombies might come for him (Later on, Summer fears for zombies as well.  Just proves they were soul mates).  So I found a highly detailed list for absolute survival but I’m just going to highlight a few of the most bare necessities.

First off, no brainer, you need weapons!  We’re talking whatever you can get your hands on–guns (with ammo, of course, but they can also be used in a baseball bat like fashion if it runs out), machetes, grenades.  Okay, really, other than killing them just to stop the zombie breeding, they are kind of easy to beat.  By nature, zombies are slow movers so if really necessary, let the living dead keep on going and just run away.  But, this just makes you a douche because others will be infected because you didn’t kill them.  And then as karma, you will probably end up cornered in a world where no other humans exists–only zombies–and they use you as their final meal before they run out of food.  Or they keep you in captivity with a member of the opposite sex so you can keep reproducing and replenishing their food supply.  Of course, by nature, zombies are also very stupid and gluttonous so they probably won’t think this far in advance.  For me when the zombies attack, I’m going with a machete.  Kill the sucker through beheading to make sure he’s dead.  Plus, you get to get real close before you take him down.  I may be channeling my inner Dean Winchester in this case.

Second thing is kind of obvious too: food and water.  It’s a key to survival of any kind clearly but it needs to be nonperishable food that can easily be transported so you can take it when you’re on the move after zombie attacks (Of course, moving a lot is really only necessary if you plan on being a soldier against the zombies like I do.  If you’re going to be a douchey wimp and just look out for only surviving and not helping the race, the don’t worry about it so much).  I will have to give up being a vegetarian once the zombies attack because the staple foods you’ll be living on are things like MREs (good thing my daddy has a stash for when he goes hunting), jerky, granola, anything in cans or like Ramen noodles.  And, if Family Guy has taught us nothing, it made it clear that Twinkies will also be a possibility since they can survive a nuclear holocaust.  They might not be the best nutrition wise if you are planning on taking down hordes of zombies but I guess, there are a lot of calories burned in doing that so it evens out.  As far as water goes, you need a filter or at the very least, a starting supply with a means to getting more.

A few final things that I saw in the list that I thought were really important were some spare clothes, a First Aid kit, waterproof matches or flint, garbage bags to waterproof everything, a hand cranked radio/flashlight, and a sleeping bag.  However, there is one thing that I did not see on the list that I definitely plan on taking with me when the Zombie Apocalypse comes: companions.  That’s right.  And I will take multiple ones.  They will be a highly skilled army who will help me take back our planet.  If necessary, they will also be sacrificial lambs if it really comes to that.  I would hate to do that to anyone I care about but as Stone Cold Steve Austin would say DTA (Don’t Trust Anyone).  If I’m willing to go that far, they are probably willing to sacrifice me as well since human instinct is for our own survival.

So now you know what you need to survive two different attacks.  The attack of the Trend Following Zombies and the attack of the actual zombies.  You know, the living dead.  I have one last tip to leave you with that applies to both attacks.  If you lose a loved one to the other side, don’t let them coax you into converting to their side (a little harder with actual zombies with their lack of speech and all but don’t let your heart cry out for them and go soft).  They’re already lost to the other side.  They can’t be changed back to who they were before and they are no longer the person you loved.  Just put them out of their misery and move on to extinguishing the problem.

P.S.  Happy Birthday to my mama.  She is the Julie to my Mini Coop and the Kirsten to my daddy’s Sandy.  And I definitely would NOT feed her to the zombies (She’d be too badass to sacrifice).


7 comments on “The Two Most Important Kits In Your Life

  • Many thanks for being our teacher on this subject matter. We enjoyed your own article greatly and most of all liked the way you handled the aspect I regarded as being controversial. You happen to be always really kind to readers like me and aid me in my existence. Thank you.

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  • Nice read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little research on that. And he just bought me lunch since I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” by Carl W. Buechner.

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