So, I’ll preface with the promise that this will be the last post I do in relation to Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs since I finished it yesterday (Okay, last one until I get his other books and start making connections). The very last chapter of the book is entitled “How To Disappear Completely and Never Be Found.” In reading this section, I found someone who is a screwed up as I am in their relationship with God.
In a conventional sense, I guess I’m not a fabulous Christian. I don’t go to church. I’m not well-educated on specifics of the Bible. I’ve done some stuff that I’m pretty sure is explicitly forbidden in the Bible. But I’ve got my relationship with God and I’m pretty cool with how we are. Like Miranda Lambert says, “I bet He’d understand a heart like mine” and I think He will. I’m not a bad person. Like Klosterman said, I’m a good person who just consciously chooses to do bad things and I totally deserved to be judge on the decisions I make.
The recurring topic of the chapter is this book series called Left Behind (I’m pretty sure someone in like the 7th grade tried to get me to read these and I asked them if they were nuts). My favorite part of his commentary on the book just proved to me that me and this dude could be really good friends. He says that the only people in the book (My extent of knowledge on the content of the series is what I’ve read in this book so we’re just going to assume everything he wrote is totally right…and I’m trusting that it actually is the truth) that are taken by God when the end of the world comes are those super religious Christians whose faith has never faltered or been in question (If you have ever been to Colorfest, these are the people handing out pamphlets on how if you like sports, are female, or educated, then you are going to Hell). He points out that most of the people left on Earth are seemingly normal, decent Americans…and that the post-Rapture world would probably be a cooler place to live because “All the guys would be drinkers and all the women would be easy, and you could make jokes about homeless people and teen suicide and crack babies without offending anyone.” I’m going to go ahead and agree with the sentiment he claims to have felt after reading the first few pages of the first book, “Sounds good to me.”
So, yeah, we’d have to worry about what would happen to us in however many months until Satan came to Earth and whether or not we would get to go with God but it seems like the world would be pretty sweet. It would be pretty chill. I’m envisioning a whole lot more partying (I mean what else are you going to do when you imminent demise is a few months away). Life would probably be a lot easier too. This may be me being overly optimistic but based on the idea Klosterman has in my head, it’s possible we could all just stop working. Maybe we could all agree that since we’re all basically screwed in terms of the afterlife and the salvation of our souls at this point, then why not just stop working and share everything? Okay, maybe I just realized how stupid this sounds since some of the people left on Earth will be the gluttonous, selfish, entitled ones so it’s probably not going to work…but here’s hoping.
Granted, given the situation, I’d probably spend the first week or so being extremely happy and living it up but then it would kind of dawn on me the my soul was royally screwed. At that point, I’d probably be trying to make sure my soul (and everyone’s I cared about since they aren’t any better than me and they aren’t getting taken up on the first go around either) would be saved. Come this time, I’m probably going nuts in search for answers and forgetting that I’m done for in a few months, disregarding my last chances for any enjoyment of life. Probably the more noble and smarter thing to do.
Klosterman ends Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (obviously one of my new favorite books) with saying he will never read the rest of the series and that the author (and people involved in the movie) don’t see this as some made up story. They see the books as a kind of historical fiction, a fictionalized version of what will happen based on the Book of Revelations and some other religious text that all I can remember was not the Book of Job. He points out that any of us with some knowledge of the Bible knows how the story will end: Jesus will come. What makes me throughly enjoy something with such religious context (sorry, my Honors 201 class ruined my wanting to read anything that discusses religion. Thanks Professor whatever-your-name-was for all the help in that class considering your reading requirements were so boring I never actually did any and I had no idea how you reached any of your conclusions) is that he says he would find it kind cool if the world ended in his lifetime. And you know what? I kind of agree.
So call me weird but I actually spent a good part of childhood worrying about. When I was little, I was legitimately
concerned with my relationship with God not being good enough and was fearful that I would not be getting into Heaven because my family did not go to church (okay, I was also really scared of never seeing my family and losing all my toys but I think it was pretty profound thinking for my young age). I was a pretty existential kid. I’m not so worried about it anymore (I’ve apparently got less profound in my whole adventures of growing up thing). I’m confident in my relationship with the Big Guy. I pray and thank him for all that he’s blessed me with. I celebrate Christmas for the right reasons. I refrain from taking His name in vain. And more importantly, it would just be kind of an ego boost because I mean, come on, God picked to end humanity while we were alive. Either we are just the coolest people ever or we are the epitome of screw ups that caused Him to finally say he was done with our species (okay, either way kind of implies we’re awesome). We’ve spent all this time hearing nutjobs declaring the end of the world but no one really believes that BS (except other nutjobs). What if it actually happened?
Assuming, that it won’t happen (I find myself hoping for this more than the other despite that I would find it cool…and this is just more plausible), I actually feel confident in my abilities of overcoming the apocalypse. Why would I make such an outrageous and pretty much stupid claim? Because I am a Supernatural fangirl. Thanks to my extensive knowledge of everything Dean and Sam Winchester have done in the past 7 seasons, I know how to defeat every type of supernatural entity they have ever faced–including angels (douches), demons (also douches), Lucifer (hot douche), and archangels (okay so they never actually really get defeated but for the most part I didn’t really think any of them were douches…except for Michael. Dude should just kind of face the fact Dean doesn’t want to be his meat suit). With the idea that the Rapture is impending and the fact that I know how to stop the apocalypse (Thanks, Kripke), I must go on with my search for Dean Winchester (I swear it’s only because he’s Michael’s vessel! It has nothing to do with the fact I’ve had a crush on him since I was in high school).