Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer Shut Up About Tebow (Otherwise Known As, This Boy Has Been Getting On My Nerves For Far Too Long)

Published January 9, 2012 by jrm17

So I had today’s post all written and ready but that’s all out the window now.  Why?  Because that little asshole has been a thorn in my side since he was at Florida.  And then he had to make his case even worse by getting drafted by a team that I was raised to hate.  That’s right.  It has to be said.  I hate Tim Tebow.  And by all means, it is not about religion because the only thing me and this dude agree on is that God is a cool dude.

Let’s start off with the fact that like I said we agree on religion but why do I need it shoved down my throat by him and his harem of Tebow loving zombies?  I’d like to point out that, Mr. I’m-so-smart-I-went-to-UF, you aren’t the only player in the NFL who is religious.  Umm, have you ever heard of Kurt Warner?  Yeah, your right, you probably haven’t since your too busy being all about yourself.  Anyway, Warner is a born again Christian.  And he won a Super Bowl.  And you would have probably never known it because he doesn’t flaunt his religion.  And I know I’m not the only person who feels this way.  Tosh point it out on his show:

Tosh is completely right.  Tebow doesn’t HAVE to work every Sunday.  He doesn’t HAVE to play football in order to make a living.  He has a degree from UF and could get a normal job that would allow him to not work on the Sabbath.  He chooses all of this.  My final thing on this and I’ll shut up about his religion is that God doesn’t just love him.  Plenty of players pray before and during the games and thank Him in some way when they make a good play.  I’m sick of hearing how Tebow does  so well because he has God on his side.  Well, the last week of the season God loved Kyle Orton and the Chiefs apparently.  He’s not picking Tebow out of every player in the NFL and saying, “Yep, Tebow’s just so awesome that I’m going to help him every week and overlook all those other players who have a strong faith in me.”

Moving on, has anyone else realized that Te-blow doesn’t do all that great as a quarterback?  He kind of sucks under pressure.  His receivers are what wins the games.  Decker and McGahee make him.  And the guy who caught that first touchdown.  Yeah, he deserves a ton more credit than Tebow on that one.  It wasn’t a great pass.  It was a really good catch because he was almost out-of-bounds and was very close to dropping it but was able to keep control and inside the lines.  But I’m not going to try to argue this with anyone who worships the ground he walk on because we all know that was just be sacrilegious to ever say anything bad about him.

So like I said, my issue with this kid isn’t anything new.  His junior year at Florida–I was ready to kill him because I don’t care how awesome everyone thought he was, John Parker Wilson deserved the Heisman and the National Championship that year (okay, I’m really biased here but I think what I think).  Then I had to hear about him again his senior year.  Well, you know what happened his senior year?  We made him cry because we thumped his ass.  He was ranked and then he was spanked.  We teabagged Tebow.  Big Al ate him some gator meat.  We beat his sorry butt 32-12 in the SEC Championship.  Mr. #1 lost and my boys went on to win the National Championship while he sat on the sidelines bawling like a baby.  My love Greg McElroy (I don’t want to hear anything about him being like 3rd string for the Jets now because we aren’t talking about now) was awesome and my dear Mark Ingram went on to win the Heisman.  And just for my own personal fun.  Here’s what it looks like to see Tebow cry over it all (Mark Ingram, I love you so much more after watching this since I forgot how much fun y’all had with this…and I loved you a lot before seeing it all over again):

Okay, my final thing here and I’ll shut up completely about everyone’s precious little Tebow is that HE’S NOT CUTE!  I am so sick of hearing girls talk about how cute he is.  I don’t know what world you guys are living in but he’s not even close to being cute.  I’m sure under all that padding he probably has a decent body.  I mean, he has to as a football player right?  But have you seen his face?  It’s not anything to get me all hot and bothered.  You guys must have missed the part where Brady Quinn is in the NFL.  Or Kyle Boller.  Or Mark Ingram.  Or even Tebow’s teammate, Eric Decker.  There’s plenty more players cuter than Tebow that I could name but I won’t go into it.  The only thing Tebow does for me is increase my gag reflex.

I’m sure I’ll be called a typical whiny Steelers fan for saying this but there were some jacked up calls last night both ways.  I’m not saying we played all that great and deserved to win but it’s never easy when you have to beat the other team and the refs.  Plus, in case you didn’t know, the NFL is one of the most rigged professional sports there is.  I can almost guarantee that Tebow is not making it to the Super Bowl (though, that would make the NFL some cash so it’s still on the table as a possibility.  I will be the biggest NFC fan ever if this happens).  I’m going to make my conjecture that it is the year of the Harbaugh brothers.  I don’t think it was a coincidence that the 49ers really stepped up and got good all of a sudden.  My bets are on a Ravens and 49ers Super Bowl.

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7 comments on “Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer Shut Up About Tebow (Otherwise Known As, This Boy Has Been Getting On My Nerves For Far Too Long)

  • Hey, you used to write wonderful, but the last several posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past several posts are just a bit out of track! come on!”In politics stupidity is not a handicap.” by Napoleon Bonaparte.

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