Snow Is Just Proof That God Has A Sense Of Humor That I Don’t Understand

Published January 21, 2012 by jrm17

Worst weather ever. Photo courtesy of http://soccerdad.baltiblogs.com/archives/

Sadly, I have lived in a place all my life where we get snow.  And oddly, I absolutely hate the snow.  I know people would argue it has its good qualities.  And I can make an argument against almost every one of those good qualities.  Which is my plan…sort of.  Here’s the top 10 reasons why snow sucks (or at least, my top 10 reason, most of which are just my cynicism coming out in full force but I think they all make perfect sense).

10. Snow Days.  Yeah, sure, as a kid almost everyone loved snow days.  You got off school.  There was snow outside.  I, however, was one of those rare, highly intelligent kids who thought a snow day was more of a punishment than a pleasant surprise.  Where’s the good in it?  I hated playing in the snow for the most part (I’ll get to that later) so I was basically stuck inside for the entire day.  All I saw a snow day as meaning was a shorter summer.  We had to make up every single snow day we had so, therefore, our school year just went even more into June than originally planned.  That meant all those wonderfully warm and sunny days were now spent in school instead of in a pool.  Why would I want to trade those days for one where I’m stuck inside and it’s cold?

9. Playing in the snow isn’t all that fun.  First off, it’s just cold and wet.  I don’t care how many layers of stuff you have on, everything ends up wet.  And if you have too many layers on, that’s means you’re sweating despite it being 32 degrees outside.  And you can’t move in snow clothes.  How am I supposed to properly have fun if I CAN’T MOVE?  Plus, all those really fun snow days full of kids you see on television…yeah, that’s not how it really happens.  We never really got enough of the right kind of snow to build anything or to have snowball fights.  And the prospect of having a snowball fight was about slim to none.  There were a whole like 4 kids near my house and I didn’t really like any of them. 

8. You have to clear it.  So maybe I’ve never actually had to shovel snow.  We have a tractor with a snow plow and my daddy and pappy to do that.  But I imagine that this is some really hard work.  Snow’s heavy stuff.  Then once again, you are facing the whole sweating despite it’s cold thing (I really hate this if you haven’t gotten the picture yet).  I know in most towns around here, you have a certain amount of time in which the snow must be removed from your sidewalk or else (I’m not sure exactly what the or else entails, though.  I assume a fine or something but still, or else is always a scary threat).  That’s not cool if you have something that is hindering you from doing your duty (Example: the older people in the neighborhood.  I have a soft spot for old people).  And it’s even less cool when it snows, you go clear it, and then it starts snowing all over again.  See, not all that fun.

7. Losing electricity and cable.  Granted, I would have loved to have lived on some Southern plantation during the Civil War, but I hate losing modern amenities (Hey, I’m used to it.  Back then, I wouldn’t have known the difference).  We are one of the first areas to lose electricity and cable being in the sticks and all.  I can deal with the electricity being gone to an extent.  That’s why we have the generator that runs the whole house.  But that gets expensive…and that noise for more than a day or two makes you want to jump out a window.  Losing cable is what really gets me.  And it’s not so much losing cable (because I can watch DVDs) but losing Internet.  I lose basically all contact with my friends because I don’t get cell service very much in a snow storm.  When it snowed on Halloween weekend (Seriously, when in the name of God’s green earth does it ever snow on Halloween?  This was the stupidest feat of nature I have ever heard of), I got seriously stir crazy.  I had to miss my best friend’s party.  I couldn’t talk to anyone of Facebook or through text.  There was no electricity (Also, meaning no heat) at the party I did end up at.  It sucked out loud.

6. You are stuck looking at the same place and people for a while.  I love my family and my house but when there’s no possibility of going anywhere and seeing any of my friends (or even just strangers at the mall), I slowly lose my sanity.  Being cooped up together for that long, only makes us fight about really stupid things and wish we didn’t have to look at each other’s faces.  Plus, we end up bugging one another because we are bored and no one wants to play with us (Or I’m playing Mario Kart and everyone else hates it and wants to play Game Party…Let the arguing and pouting ensue).

Try putting this puzzle together. Photo courtesy of http://artsnap.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Van-Gogh_Starry-Night.jpg

5.  Boredom.  I won’t go through the whole being bored because you don’t have electricity or because you can’t go anywhere thing again because there are other ways to keep yourself entertained.  DVDs, board games, books, puzzles: I’ve employed them all but there’s only so much of all that you can take.  Watching a DVD just isn’t watching TV.  I think it has something to do with there not being ever-changing options and commercials but it’s just not the same.  Board games only hold your attention so long and it takes another person or two to actually play it with you (Try getting everyone to play and then decide on which to play).  I love reading.  I do it regardless of having electricity but it makes me sleepy and that doesn’t work well when there’s nothing to do other than read.  And puzzles, we can all usually agree on puzzles but let me give this example: Last time we got that really big snow last year, we were watching Dr. Quinn DVDs and opened the new puzzle we bought–Van Gogh’s Starry Night since it’s one of my favorite paintings.  Yeah, at like 5000 pieces, it’s basically impossible to do that puzzle.  We didn’t even manage to get the border finished before we gave up and gave in to boredom.

4.  Being snowed in makes you fat.  Okay, this may not always hold true but…well, I’m pretty sure it might.  What do you do when you’re stuck home?  Bake.  Eat.  Munch on junk food.  On Halloween weekend, I wasn’t going to be caring about what I was eating anyway but the snow made it go to extremes.  There was the bonfire Friday night–drinking and lots of food.  There was party Saturday night–even more food and drinking.  There was Sunday spent at Gram’s since she had the Steelers game–even more food.  I went through a lot of ice cream, sushi, buffalo dip, pita chips, cookies, Monster Munch, pizza, and Twisted Tea that weekend.  It wasn’t pretty.

3.  Cancelled plans.  I just looked on Facebook and a friend of mine is mad because her fiance’s son was supposed to go to Chuck E. Cheese today and she’s not so sure that’s going to happen for him.  That Halloween party of my best friend’s (Yes, I’m still very bitter about this)…yeah, we’re Halloween freaks and had been planning it for months.  I not only felt bad that I couldn’t make it, but that her party was basically a flop since she’d been so excited about it.  This weekend I had plans.  I changed them yesterday, knowing going away overnight wouldn’t be a smart thing to do.  I made them really simple and close to home.  Not so sure I’m going to leave the house today now.  Awesome…

2.  Driving.  Okay, so this kind of is in conjunction with cancelled plans and boredom and everything else but driving in snow or when it has snowed sucks.  My boyfriend always says he’s not scared of driving in it but he’s afraid of the other drivers who suck at it (It’s that whole big ego thing I’ve mentioned before.  Love you, Michael 🙂 )  Despite having a 4WD, I hate driving in it but with my accident record, I’m sketched out by driving most of the time in general.  And of course, he’s right.  There’s other drivers to worry about.  I don’t know how many accidents we see around here without snow and any sign of the stupid, cold white stuff just makes for even more accidents.

1.  IT’S DANGEROUS!  Yes, there’s bad road conditions.  There’s ice.  There’s bad eating habits.  There’s the chance of killing each other out of boredom or from fighting.  But the most dangerous of them all is sledding (I don’t care how stupid this sounds.  Just hear me out).  In the 8th grade, I was sled riding with my best friend down the hill in my front yard.  We lost control and I didn’t jump off in time and ended up blacked out in the ditch at the bottom of our driveway.  I woke up to find my best friend looking for me and my leg broken.  After a really long night in the ER and Urgent Care, we found out I broke my leg in 3 places and was lucky to have not broken my arm between my shoulder and elbow (It hit a sign post and was massively bruised).  The bones wouldn’t set right and I ended up having to have surgery to put a rod and pins and then take them out.  Being on crutches that long and going through that much pain and being stuck in bed means nothing to me more than snow is the worst thing in the world.

I know snow is envied by those who don’t get it but they can have it as far as I’m concerned.  Nothing good comes out of snow.  I’d rather have a week of rain than snow for a day.  Snow sucks.  End of discussion.

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32 comments on “Snow Is Just Proof That God Has A Sense Of Humor That I Don’t Understand

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