Girls–A Riddle Wrapped Inside An Enigma Wrapped Inside A Taco

Published February 24, 2012 by jrm17

Thanks to my schedule and those of my friends, I spend my Tuesdays and Thursdays with no one to really talk to.  It helps me get a lot of work done (When I’m not distracted by Facebook).  And I’ve come to some conclusions about myself and the female species.  Being a girl, you would think that I totally understand us.  Well, that’s a bunch a boo-hockey because I don’t at all.  I don’t understand myself half the time so how am I supposed to understand an entire gender when we are really good at not making sense.  My alone time has given me the opportunity to make sense of why I have never been able to maintain friendships with other girls very well.I should probably start off with some background here.  I get out of class and I immediately go to our campus commons to start working on whatever I’ve decided to do for the day.  There’s one section with a bunch of tables that’s a pretty nice place to go.  It’s usually quiet.  You don’t really have to play electric outlet roulette.  I know most of the people who hang around there.  But then there’s a table (Okay, they usually snag two tables and push them together) of girls who tend to just annoy everyone.  It’s come to the point where I am having Facebook conversations about how stupid their conversations are with the girl at the table next to me.  They are pretty much the epitome of why I just don’t get my own gender.

To begin with, there are about 10 of them and even if the rest of us pull off some really good camaraderie and ban together against the (And by this I mean we put one person at every table except the one they’ve already managed to get), they still figure out how to hook up.  They will walk up to every other table and just take chairs and scrunch together around a tiny, little table.  Here’s the first thing I don’t get: it is really rude not asking if you can take chairs from my table.  I understand that I am the only one there but what if I have someone coming to meet me?  What if I’ve managed to convince someone to keep me company?  Okay, that doesn’t really happen…well, ever really, but asking is just the right thing to do.

Secondly is their conversations!  They are in full requirement of an OMG! moment because it’s just pathetic how superficial, uninformed, and lame they are.  In my own lack of judgment freshman year, I was actually pretty good friends with two of these girls.  I stopped that by the second semester of that year and have question my judgment ever since.  And I am sorry to say, their conversational skills have not gotten any better with three years of educational experience at college.  I’m starting to worry about the ability of our professors to teach here because this is like Paris Hilton (When she’s putting on the act we all expect, not when she’s being the real Paris) bad.  I really started noticing the lack of depth when they starting talking about Pinterest.  I’ll admit I’m obsessed with it.  But I don’t use it for planning my future house and then having a 15 minute conversation about the pros and cons of certain dining room tables.  I don’t use it to plan my wedding that will most likely end in divorce because I am way too young to be getting married (Seriously, like half of this group is either engaged, married, pregnant, or some combination of the three).

Then Steph started picking up on the horror.  She posted on Facebook about girls calling the Green Monster, “That, you know, big green wall.”  We instantly joined forces.  You don’t make that kind of mistake and expect baseball fanatics like the two of us not to hate you right off the bat.  We’ve been planning how we can out annoy them but we’re pretty sure it’s not possible.  It’s come to the point where we are keeping each other updated on the pathetic-ness when one of us isn’t there.  While she wasn’t there yesterday, they talked about how they don’t like to eat “ugly” fruit.  Okay, ugly fruit?  Really?  This made me want to take my copy of Food Inc. and shove it down their throats until they realized how ignorant that is to say (It would take a lot of shoving.  More than I’m willing to do).  After I left, Steph let me know that they were talking about their yeast infections and showing off pictures of their cats.  The best part is that Steph times how long it took the one to figure out she was showing a little more than anyone wants to see thanks to her dress riding up (About 5 minutes).  I really worry about the future of our country if these are the people who will be teaching our children (Yeah, just about all of them are education majors).

Of course, this small group aren’t the only ones who have taught me I suck at female friendships.  If I were any good, I would actually try to make friends but that never really works out too well.  They are just one example of why men (and other girls apparently) have so much trouble with us.  I’m not saying I can’t get along with girls or maintain relationships.  I do have girlfriends but it’s along the lines of a few Facebook comments and talking in class or when we see each other on campus.  It’s nothing like hanging out on the weekends and having slumber parties.  I have a few girls who I do that with but almost all of them have been around long enough to realize I suck at friendships and accept that because they have lives of their own too.  I’m thinking a gender study about how screwed up girls are is going to be my research for my sociology practicum.


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