It’s Friday Night Lights…On A Boat

Published May 20, 2012 by jrm17

I know it’s Sunday but I have to be up early for work tomorrow so…in honor of me and Michael losing a good part of our summer to work and summer classes starting this week, we went to see Battleship on yesterday (It clearly had nothing to do with my love and my mama’s love for Taylor Kitsch…absolutely nothing.  Man, he looked good…).  None of us really knew what to think about the movie before we went in.  I was purposefully avoiding any and all reactions and reviews because I did not want anything involving my boy to be ruined by jaded people.  I was a little leery on the fact that it was considered to be in the sci-fi genre but hey, Tim Riggins can fight anything and I’ll watch it.

And that’s pretty much exactly what it was–Tim Riggins fighting aliens.  And it was awesome.

He starts off as this kind of bad boy in a bar trying to get the girl.  Very Riggins.  Fast forward and he’s in the Navy like his older brother and he got the girl (Brooklyn Decker to be exact and I really can’t be mad about this because the girl is hot).  He’s still always getting in trouble and is about to get kicked out of the Navy when he goes out to do drills and this giant weird thing lands in the water.  Riggins takes Rhianna and some cute, macho guy out to investigate and Riggins basically starts this whole endeavor by himself (That’s why you should never touch things that don’t look right).  Chaos ensues and Riggins saves the world.  Sounds stupid–especially when you realize that the things the aliens shoot at our Navy look like the little pegs from the game and that we are shooting at the aliens using the game board basically–but I can tell you why it’s not as stupid as it sounds.

The script was amazing.  Whoever did the writing for this deserves a nomination right now because it was impeccable.  It was really funny–especially if you are big into Friday Night Lights and realize just how similar Landry and Riggins are to their characters.  I’m not really one to fall into oh, it was funny so I liked it but it worked really well.  The other reason why the script was so good is…well, there’s two things.  First off, it was like In Bruges in that I am sitting here now and I really can’t think of much fat on the script.  I’m pretty sure nothing overtly unnecessary was in it.  We’ve had a little debate on one or two historical aspects (I refused a history lesson from my dear History major boyfriend) and there’s an issue I have with the alien dome/shield thing but I’m over it.  Secondly, the characters were just really empathetic.  There’s wasn’t a single character I didn’t have strong feelings for.  I loved most of them.  Okay, I loved all of them except the aliens and that guy from New Adventures of Old Christine but he redeemed himself in the end (There was a brief time where I really wanted him to die).  Other than Riggins, my favorite had to be Mick played by Gregory Gadson.  He is an actual Iraqi veteran who lost his legs in Baghdad.  He was adorable.

Speaking of people that I recognized, this was a brilliant cast made up of people from lots of things I like.  Let’s see…there was Riggins and Landry, of course.  There was Brooklyn Decker and the guy I mentioned from The New Adventures of Old Christine.  Rhianna was in it and so was Liam Neeson.  Alexander Skarsgard plays Riggo’s brother.  The guy who played Larry in Numb3rs made a few appearances (Sorry, but I love him and that show).  Jerry Ferrara (aka Turtle from Entourage) showed up at one point (I got really excited.  He’s so cute).  See what, I mean?  There’s about a million faces that clearly deserve more screen time in Hollywood in this movie.

Now, I am going to tell you what this movie is a mixture of.  Prepare for a mess of confusion that I will explain better afterward, hopefully.  It was Friday Night Lights on a boat mixed with Dark Angel and Transformers and Power Rangers and Harry Potter and Sonic the Hedgehog.  I’ve said the FNL thing before.  Taylor and Jesse Plemmons’ characters were pretty much Riggins and Landry in the Navy.  There’s no getting around the fact that the two of them were just made for these roles.  The Dark Angel aspect comes from when the guy from Old Christine explains that the aliens are causing so much trouble because they are using electromagnetic force to screw everything up…basically a pulse.  Well, hello, didn’t Dark Angel revolve around The Pulse that occurred in 2009 that messed up all of the U.S.’s computers and sent us into being a third world country?  Thank you, nerdiness.  Now, the other four all come in with the aliens and it’s kind of a progression as the aliens show up more and more.  First, they show up in these big machines that really look like Transformers.  I seriously thought Bumblebee and Megatron were going to make an appearance for a while.  Then, the aliens come out as these bipedal, very similar to human form creatures except for their weird hands.  However, they hate the sun so they wear these suits that make them look like Power Rangers (Or, kind of like the Terminator or Jason when he was in space).  They were seriously the different colors and everything.  Finally, the helmets come off and we see the faces of the aliens.  What do they look like?  Well, they look like Voldemort thanks to being noseless and pale with a porcupine beard on their chin.  It was a little freaky.  Okay, last thing is Sonic.  Now, you’re probably thinking how in the world can I connect the best Sega game ever to this movie?  Well, because I am awesome and I loved this game almost as much as I loved Super Mario Bros. 3.  You know when you have Sonic spinning and you hold him back and he just goes in the same place really fast until you release him and he speeds off and it’s awesome.  The aliens send out these balls that attack machines that are exactly like that moment in the game.  Trust me, it’ll make sense when you see it.

I’ll admit 2 hours and 11 minutes was a little long for the plot but overall, I really liked it.  Michael and Mama and Daddy all really liked it, too.  I know IMDB is giving it 6.3 out of 10 but I’d give it at least a 7.5.  It’s worth the watch…especially when you compare it to seeing all that other crap in theaters right now (I know I am making a rash and harsh judgment that I really don’t have any facts behind but I don’t care).  I know there’s a lot of hate coming for the movie but just be open minded and give it a chance.  That’s all it needs.



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