Maybe Journalism Isn’t For Me. I’m Thinking Bounty Hunter Instead.

Published July 31, 2012 by jrm17

News alert!  I am obsessed with Stephanie Plum books.  I don’t know Janet Evanovich but I’m pretty sure she could fit right in with me and my mama because she’s got us reading these books like nobody’s business.  She has one of the greatest writing styles I have ever read and has created characters that I truly love.  Heck, she’s got me thinking it would be a pretty good idea to ditch the whole college thing and become a bounty hunter (I’m so unsuspecting being so little and curly).  She has got me wishing I was Stephanie Plum, which is why we are going to talk about why she is so awesome (and weird in some aspects).

Okay, hands down my favorite thing about Stephanie is her diet.  It’s like Morelli says in the movie, “How does someone eat the way you eat and look the way you look?”  In every book, she’s eating doughnuts and ice cream and pizza and beer and meatball subs and everything else in the grocery store.  She’s a girl after my own heart because she never passes up a perfectly good dessert at her parents’ house.  We seem to both live buy the life’s too short so eat the food motto.  And much like me, she always is fighting her weight but doesn’t care when she’s shoveling down her face (Everyone has a super power and mine is eating like a baby dinosaur).  Of course, Ranger being the stuffy meathead that he is makes her go running (probably a good idea for running after FTAs…or for dodging bullets…or food like I just read in Four to Score).  And Stephanie being the girl and the lazy one that she is does it but complains the entire time and gives up.  Oh boy are we two peas in a pod.

Like her food intake, Steph is also not very cautious when it comes to shopping.  There’s these purple heels she’s buys in Macy’s (the girl loves her some Macy’s) and Morelli really likes these shoes…sadly, the shoes die in a fire but she couldn’t really afford the shoes but bought them anyway (Yes, I want some slutty purple shoes now).  You have to read the books to understand. In the book I’m on, her apartment just got firebombed so she simply had to go to Macy’s and max out her credit card so she could buy a sufficient wardrobe.  Of course, when her clothes are described, she is even more like me (Hmmm…maybe I am Stephanie Plum and I just didn’t know it).  She’s always in basketball/running shorts, baggy tops or jersey, and she really likes her Rangers hat (My favorites are camo Bama and O’s ones 🙂 ).  If she’s not in that, she’s in a dress or disguised as a slut (or at least pulling out the tightest, skimpiest stuff in her closet).  That’s how I roll.  I think it’s the perfect closet for a bounty hunter: lazy, bum clothes or dresses.  You can either get the workout getting your FTA or coyly persuade them to come with you down to the station.

Speaking of Morelli, he may just be my favorite reason for wanting to be Stephanie.  Oh, Joe Morelli.  He took her cannoli and never called so she ran him over with a car.  I think it’s totally understandable.  Grandma Bella and Mrs. Morelli…not so much.  Joe Morelli–both in the books and the movie–is one hot dude and I would pick him over Ranger any day of the week.  Ranger is so boring and sketchy and mysterious.  I like Morelli.  You know what he wants and if your me (or Steph), you are willing to give it to him.  They are so cute together in their kind of raunchy, totally cute love-hate thing.  We all know they are meant to be and that Ranger is just getting in the way.  I mean, who was the one who taught her to play choo-choo in his garage when she was 6?  I think we can all figure out who.  But we all know that her heart really belongs to Rex (cutest hamster ever).

Of course, no bounty hunter would be complete without her crack team of recruits to help her get her criminal and leave it to Stephanie to get the best one.  Yeah, she enlists Ranger and Morelli to help her sometimes but they aren’t who I’m talking about (though I wouldn’t mind watching Morelli fight).  Even better than those two is her team of Lula, Grandma Mazur, and Sally (I know he’s in Four and then shows up again in Ten since that’s what my mom’s reading but I love him).  I mean who would seriously suspect a group made up of a grandmother, a 200+ pound ex-hooker, and a transvestite who’s not really gay but dressing up is required for his desired profession to be able to help a 125 (on a good day) pound Jersey girl with super curly hair catch these runners?  I would.  Because I am all to well aware that the weirdest groups are the ones who are usually the best.  Stephanie and Lula are great friends despite being total opposites.  Grandma is just straight hilarious and Sally somehow fits in without ever seeming out of place (I think it’s the tight sparkly dresses and slutty heels).  I have always wanted a gay buy best friend but Sally could be just as good or even better.

Let’s see…what else?  How about Stephanie and her cars?  Okay, I am not one to get different cars every other month because my Jeep, Grady, stole my heart a long time ago (Okay, when I was a junior in high school but that was like four years ago).  However, I like Steph’s style with her cars.  She’s always picking them because they are cute or she likes the color or on a whim (but mostly because she hates the Buick).  My favorite through the four books I’ve read was the Nissan truck but only because I’m a truck girl.  I’m with her dad in that I would never buy a Nissan truck.  Though, unlike Stephanie, I love her Buick.  Maybe it’s because I’m partial to big boat-like cars (the 1967 Impala is my favorite ever and it’s huge) but really, I think it’s because it’s the one car that won’t die no matter how many times she tries to kill it.  She’s inspired me to not only want my old truck when Grady dies (which will be never if I have my way) but also a ’53 Buick–preferably in pink.

Okay, that was a whole lot of reasons I want to be Stephanie Plum.  I’m already a pretty good way there.  I’ve got Michael, who like Morelli thinks I’m crazy and a danger but loves me anyway.  I’ve got some curly brown hair and an attitude that could definitely belong in the Plum family.  I never turn down a good dessert (or good food for that matter).  All I need is the Buick and the job and we’re good to go.  I think my mama might kill me if I drop out of college with only a year to go but she’s all for it after I graduate so look out FTAs, here I come.  But until then, I’m just going to have to finish Four to Score and move on to High Five (Maybe I’ll read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas first.  I’m trying to make Plum last as long as possible).

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