We watch a lot of TV in our family. One of us in particular (shockingly not me) watches a lot of the Kardashians. Another (again shockingly not me) watches a lot of MTV reality shows. I watch a lot of…well everything. It has come to my attention recently that our fascination with television has really turned us into a family (or maybe we would have been this bad without it. I’m not sure) that would make an excellent reality show family. Why is this you may ask? Well, let me explain.
I would consider us a fairly good sized family to start off. There’s my gram, her four children and their spouses, the six grandchildren (divided equally between boys and girls), and now one great-grandchild. As for the three girls, we are like sisters. Really, we could give Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe a run for their money. Ashley would be Kim because she is the princess. Ash is the oldest so she always gets her way and no one ever thinks she does anything wrong. Plus, she kind has the same mentality when it comes to shopping and stuff like that as Kim…only she’s a mom. Tori–the youngest–would be Khloe. She’s always craving attention and their personalities are kind of similar. I–the middle child–would be Kourtney. I don’t really take part in the drama. I just like to sit back and watch as everyone fight amongst themselves. Heck, we even have our Rob in Paul, I guess. As far as Kylie and Kendall, we have two boys instead. Trevor and Tyler could be the two youngest girls. Of course, we mother the boys more than the three older Kardashians do to their little sisters.
Okay, so I’ve explained the breakdown enough but now to explain why we would be so entertaining. You see, our summers have always consisted of a few constants over the years. One of those is that we all gravitate to Gram’s house because she has the pool. All the grandkids learned to swim their and Brylin–the baby–is on his way to becoming the little fish we all turned out to be. Of course, that’s not what it means to go to the pool for most of us any more. Now, it involves gossip.
We gossip about each other. We gossip about the friends of the family. We gossip about celebrities. There’s not much we don’t gossip about. Recently, weddings and babies have been some prominent topics. Ashley’s husband’s uncle is getting married on the same day and the WVU-Marshall game (Ash and Steven went to WVU). For those of you who aren’t part of the college football world, this is a big game. They are huge rivals–like to Boston-Yankee levels. You just don’t get married during football season in our family. It is unfathomable to Steven as to why his uncle is doing this and Ash said that he was even considering not going so he could watch the game. You see, football is just a very important thing in our family. No matter if it’s pee-wee or pro, we go nuts over football…or all sports for that matter. I, personally, would never get married on a day I could be spending watching a Bama game (I have to pick a different team and I’m just a Bama girl).
Speaking of weddings, I am not getting married anytime soon but that hasn’t stopped us from spending time planning it anyway. I recently found out that Ashley is making herself one of my bridesmaids just so she has an excuse to buy cowboy boots because I’m having a pretty redneck wedding. Of course, that means I have to include Tori in my wedding party and it has become an issue and I don’t even have a ring. These are the kinds of things you run into in my family. I’m really surprised we haven’t started shopping for my future children and planning Tori’s wedding yet.
Yeah, so about babies. Ashley’s best friend is pregnant and her mother is a party planning fanatic. That, of course, means that we get to see everything that you have ever seen on Pinterest at the baby shower. This woman can throw some crazyily well-decorated parties but the whole all-of-it-being-from-Pinterest thing is kind of annoying. Brylin’s Mickey Mouse Clubhouse birthday last month was a Pinterest party. Last year’s Halloween party was, too, of course. There have been food, drinks, decorations, games, photo-ops, names for food, and oh so much more. It’s all been from Pinterest. If you ever want to know if something from there works, you can ask her and she can probably tell you.
None of this craziness would be possible if it weren’t for our gram. However, she’s not you typical gram. If you’ve ever read a Stephanie Plum book, you know about Morelli’s Grandma Bella. Yeah, Gram’s kind of like her. She doesn’t have the Eye but if she did, I can guarantee that she would be putting curses on people all the time. She wouldn’t discriminate either. Her family would be subjected to it and everyone she met. She’s scary enough without it but with it, oh man, we’d all be screwed.
Of course, we couldn’t have it just be about our family. We would have to have our friends as part of it too because we wouldn’t be nuts without them either. We would have Ashley and her blonde-tourage. Tori and her high school cronies. I would have our group of nerds, drunks, and Whitney. My mom, dad, and I would have our neighbors (We would be bringing in the redneck side). You would see our neighbors house where everyone hangs out. There are bonfires and the such. We have a few boys who would be sure to keep you entertained along with a horse and donkey. There would be discussions of who was going to get themselves in trouble with the new girls (that’s putting it the nice way) next door and who got in trouble for riding four wheelers on the road again.
I know it doesn’t seem like it would be all that fun of a show but if given the opportunity, our family can ensure a half hour block every week that will keep you coming back for more. There will be drama. There will be laughs. There will be moments when you think WTF. We may not have the money like the Kardahians but we can still have all the nuttiness of that family with a twist of redneck. We’ll be waiting for E! or VH1 to call us now 😉 .